hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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