I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
one might say we're banned from that church
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
