All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
