remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mom said you looked used
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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