brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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