I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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