i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
