i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize