i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
