you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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