Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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