Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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