True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
