He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
