my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
