let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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