Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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