i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're making bets on your personal life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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