Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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