so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
