just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
