omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize