my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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