i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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