did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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