Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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