I wanna passion pit in your ass
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
