I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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