I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
