What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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