The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize