We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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