WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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