By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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