1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
as a side note pls kill me
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