I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
