Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
