Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize