How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
