i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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