you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
