me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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