I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
