you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
