I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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