blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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