The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
