We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
