she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
