My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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