we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's blow job season.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize