Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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