i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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