Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
