Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
