who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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