Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
