We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
