Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
