That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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