Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
