man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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