he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
