Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
