I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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