Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
