I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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