i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
