I heard we made out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
