If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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