he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
