You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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