the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize