Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
3pm strippers are depressing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
