I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize